100WCweek#8

In the deep mysterious moonlight forest it was quiet. Too quiet. As I strolled through the rustling leaves my heart was filled with an amazing suspense. I had a feeling that I was alone. A pile of coldness swept onto my face as I breathed into the ghostly wind. As I stared into the sky I saw something amazing, something  you could never believe. As I looked right down, suddenly the image I could see in my eyes was not quite amazing right now. Panting heavily, my heart boomed and ached so hurtfully I could no longer hear myself screaming. What a mystery?

2 thoughts on “100WCweek#8

  1. Heather (100WC Team)

    This is a great story Yohana.
    I like the way that you vary the length of your sentences. It is very effective to say ‘Too quiet’.
    You really build up the suspense with words like ‘a pile of coldness’ and ‘ghostly wind’.
    The reader is left with the mystery that you have created.
    Well done and keep on writing for 100WC!

    Reply
  2. 15denise

    Hi Yohana,
    I really enjoyed your story. You had amazing description! ‘A pile of coldness swept onto my face as I breathed into the ghostly wind’, I loved the way you described the wind in the sentence. The ending had got me sitting at the corner of my chair. Its fantastic how you wrote a rhetorical question at the end. But you could put more punctuation: Instead of ‘As I stared into the sky I saw something amazing, something you could never believe’ you could write ‘As I stared into the sky I saw something amazing – something you could never believe’. Overall, I have enjoyed your story very much

    Reply

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